
What’s good, what’s good? Thought you’d gotten rid of me on your homepage after I created Push The Box? (http://pushthebox.blogspot.com) Well, it looks like you won’t have space on your news feed to see the percentage breakdown of what shade of Khaki best matches Bobby's personality for one more minute as I take this opportunity to shamelessly plug Push The Box yet again. That’s right, this is the last time I will tag any of you in a facebook note… From now on I will simply post the link to Push The Box on my status when I publish a new forecast. Don’t worry, you can still read the forecasts as facebook notes if you so desire, but note I will not be tagging anyone in them. Alright then, you know the drill—let’s get started.
Marking his third directorial attempt, Judd Apatow’s “Funny People” opens in 3,000 theaters this weekend and hopes to be taken seriously at the box office. With a cast of Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Eric Banna, and Jonah Hill, the film certainly doesn’t lack in star power and should be able to find its way to solid numbers. The real question is whether or not Funny People can compare to last month’s “The Hangover,” which has officially become the most successful R-rated comedy of all time (248.9M). To put that number in perspective, the latest Star Trek film made 254M domestically, but it had a production budget of 150M compared to the Hangover’s budget of 35M! Pretty crazy, right? Now that we're on the subject, this may be a good time to digress a little and explain where your money actually goes when you buy that movie ticket so you can further understand the significance of a film’s box-office revenue. It’s gonna be a bit long, but you’ll be able to sound smart after you read it…
Let’s say you’re Paramount Pictures, the studio behind the latest Star Trek—You spent 150M to make the film, and every movie ticket costs exactly $10. Generally speaking, the movie theater is gonna take about 50% ($5.00) of that ticket cost for themselves, leaving Paramount with $5.00 per ticket sold. Your movie made 250M (total revenue) domestically, meaning you sold approximately 25 million tickets in the US. At $5/ticket, Star Trek, a box-office success, has made $125M (revenue) for Paramount Pictures, yet the movie cost 150M to make…
Wait a minute, what about foreign box-office? Star Trek cashed 125M worth of intergalactic traveler’s checks, and if we assume that ticket prices as well as the 50% cinema fee are universal, the film brought in $62.5M in revenue to Paramount from overseas. In that case, Paramount has grossed $125M (domestic) + $62.5M (foreign), equaling $187.5M. Not bad, right? Wrong. We forgot that a big movie like Star Trek costs a lot of money to market, and when I say “a lot,” I mean approximately the same amount as the total production budget ($150M!). At this point, Paramount has grossed (not profited) $187.5M and has spent $300M, meaning it’s in a $110M black hole. Unfortunately, it get’s worse. Star Trek debuted in 4,000 theaters and probably around 10,000 screens at a cost of about $1,500 per screen to copy and ship the film prints. There goes another $15M, I suppose.
Nearing the end of its theatrical run in our quasi-hypothetical movie distribution world, Star Trek has cost Paramount $125M, but things are not nearly as bad as they might seem. While a movie theater may charge Paramount 50% of the ticket cost, a very important number that’s not factored into that stat is the fee Paramount charges the theater to lease Star Trek. With big-budget summer blockbusters, distributors can charge outrageous leasing fees to the movie theaters, meaning a company like Paramount is really taking in about 70% ($7) out of each $10 ticket sold. If a theater is only making $3.00/ticket in Star Trek’s first week (the leasing rates are generally staggered by weeks of release), they’re losing money after you factor in the total costs of running a movie theater. Enter the 400% marked up concession prices…
So let’s just say that including the staggered leasing fees, Paramount has now grossed about $240M, and Star Trek is pulled from its remaining theaters. Paramount has still lost $60M, but because of Star Trek’s success in the box-office nonetheless, they will undoubtedly begin to make a profit once they begin to sell the film on DVD, On Demand, Pay Per View, Cable Networks, and Airlines. If the thought comes to mind that after $300M (at least) spent in production/marketing and a 12 week theatrical release, it seems a movie theater is simply a glorified concession stand, and a theatrical distribution is really just an enormous DVD marketing campaign, you’d be 100% right. That’s all the movie industry is. Now, maybe you can see why studios are so worried about pirated video? Sorry for the lengthy digression, but I felt like that was something I had to put out on the table for us to move forward in our relationship. (I just laughed for a long time when I read this last sentence. I’m very mature, I swear)
Going back to this weekend’s release of “Funny People,” I can guarantee it won’t be nearly as successful as “The Hangover.” First, Funny People is not exactly a funny movie. It’s a dramedy, not a comedy… and it’s also two and a half hours long, which doesn’t bode well for any non-epic/fantasy film. To be concise, I expect an opening of 31M from 3,000 theaters. (Check out www.george-simmons.com and watch the videos, they’re hilarious)
This is the first time I’ve ever heard of such a film, but apparently “Aliens in the Attic” is opening this weekend in 3,100 theaters. It looks ridiculous, but, then again, a movie about the hamsters from the blockbuster commercials made 31.7M last weekend and dethroned the quickly fading Harry Potter so anything’s possible. I’m going to say 18M… with an over/under of 40M. Finally, a horror movie called “The Collector” is opening this weekend in 1,300 theaters. It’s about a thief who breaks into a house at night only to discover that a psychotic murderer has already broken into (wait for it) the same exact house! My goodness, the odds of that! Imagine George Clooney or Brad Pitt in Ocean’s 11 breaking into a casino vault only to find Jigsaw from the Saw movies. Wait a second, it’s written by the writers of Saw IV and V?! It’s going to be horrifying! $4M, shoot me and then yourself if it makes a cent more.
I’d like to take this brief moment to retract whatever I said about Emma Watson in my last forecast. Emma Watson is arrogant, not hot, underdeveloped, and going to Brown. That's right, Brown. I can't believe it Emma. I was going to be your Ron Weasley. Now, unfortunately, I will personally make sure you are never in one of my movies and that you will act only in Michael Bay and Uwe Boll films for the rest of time. Do not turn your back on the fierce Columbia Lion. In other news, ladies, I’m available again.